Jane Says

This is the place where don’t have to write about work, or food, or fitness, here I can really get down to the heart of every matter in my life and since we’re all friends, I just figured something out about myself, it’s a little scary, but I think I might be non-committal.

You see, I have been homeless for more than six months, well, not exactly homeless on-the-street-homeless, I have my car and have been staying at my sister’s house, chillin out at my mom’s and crashing on friend’s couches all while working four jobs. I may look polished on the outside but sometimes I worry about where I am going to sleep! Not that I can’t always drive “home” to my sister’s but it’s SO far south of the city that sometimes convenience in a hectic world is all I need. 

Anyway, I’ve been basically living out of suitcases for the last 8 months and would like to get my belongings back because I only packed winter clothes when I left Atlanta and I really like to sit on my leopard couches. So, I found an apartment downtown and signed a lease.  Sounds like a plan, right?  Well, among all the excitment of my family and friends, I got cold feet! Cold feet to sign a year lease! My heart was pounding, I was looking for any excuse not to sign it, I was 20 minutes late to do it, I felt sick… It’s not like I am getting married, not like I am buying a home…just a simple little apartment, a place to put my stuff, make life a little easier, for one year, and I get cold feet!  What’s wrong with me? You better believe I know that’s a little weird.  And you thought MEN were the only ones that were non-committal!

I’ll be 39 tomorrow and can’t believe I just finally figured this out. I am unable to committ…for a while I thought my biggest problem was that I had too any hobbies!  It’s clearly committment issues.

Geez, no wonder why I am single, sleep on couches, do freelance work, and think that it’s easy to just pick up and move to a new state when the urge hits.  Maybe my focus this year should be settling down… maybe a Birthday present for myself is to stick around and see how things work out!  I can make a plane or car ride my weekend escape to somewhere and be thankful when I come home that I have a big closet to put my shoes in.   I think an extra large spoonful of stability is what I need and that starts with a permanent place to call home! “Happy Trails” will no longer be my theme song, now it’s just “Sweet Home Chicago”.