Jane Says

Chicago gives new meaning to “New Moon”.  You may be thinking of the newly released blockbuster movie from the Twlight Saga with hotter than hot vampires and rugged werewolves that grossed $140,700,000 over the weekend, but I’m talking about Sunday night when Chicago found a “New Moon”.

During the Sunday night Bears v Eagles football game on NBC…the Bears were working hard “to move it for a touch down, TD!” (Sorry, sometimes my old cheerleading days come back to me…) The one time, ridiculous Devin Hester, was running with the football and got tackled from “behind”.  As Devin went down so did his pants! 

The non-wavering NBC announcers continued to talk about the X’s and O’s without even a mention of Devin’s rear-end debute. But people like me, at home resting on the comfy couch, were LMAO (that means ‘laughing my ASS off’ if you are not into texting).  I feel bad for Devin Hester because it is embarrASSing but I am sure he doesn’t care in the least bit that most of America saw his bodacious booty! Afterall, those gluteous maximus muscles are the ones the give him Superman speed on the playing field.

But if you count the numbers… “New Moon” the movie from Stephanie Meyers’ Twilight Saga saw about 1.5 million viewers over the weekend and Devin Hester’s butt was seen by an average of 14 million viewers over the weekend… and we didn’t even have to pay 10 bucks and sit in a dark theater to see it!  So which is the real blockbuster? 

Devin’s mishap had me giggling all day but I am going to have to side with “Edward’s” abs in the movie…why? Because the Eagles STILL beat the PANTS off the BEARS and, Edward, Bella and Jacob still have 2 more books to be made into movies (and I like tall, super skinny white dudes)!

This morning Oprah Winfrey made a major announcement telling her legions of loyal “Oprahanians” that her show would come to an end in 18 months.  After 25 years she felt it was the right time to end as tears fell from her eyes. “I love it enough to know when its time to say goodbye. I feel it in my bones, 25 years is the exact right time,” she said.  So its the beginning of a year and a half goodbye… I am sure there will be many more Oprah suprises during that time but the clock is ticking nonetheless.

I have never ever been a huge Oprah fan but I do catch the monumental shows like, what shape is your poo? with Dr. Oz or Tom Cruise couch jumping, and you can forget the season grand opening event on Michigan Ave… heck, I even lived across the street from Harpo studios at one point in my life and watched the celebs climb out of their limos when she had her 50th birthday extravaganza. John Travolta included!

She ends her reign as the Queen of Talk and that’s fine because she really doesn’t need to work any more… it truly is time to give someone else a chance…. like maybe me? If anyone is looking for a new Queen of Talk I can do it… I can do it in a Sweet Baby Jane Dirty Traffic style or I can do it in an America’s Plain Jane crafty style or I can even do it Greek style…see, it will go from Oprah to Opa! Perfect.  But, however it works, I am ready to take over for the next 25 years!

Call me direct Oprah, lines are open now! 

“Queens of Talk”