Jane Says

I am the only person who gets teary eyed while watching the America Idol auditions?  Yea, I know, its been on now for weeks but I am trying to chalk it up to PMS but I can’t because it happen again tonight.  It is even a strange situation to me.  I am boggled by my own internal reaction to these dumb kids on televison. 

After the almost face washing pressure of welled up tears and the lump in my throat subsides, I think, ‘Get a grip! Its American Idol with all the misfits and horrible singers and SIMON!’

The reason…it’s so moving to hear their story, watch them sing (especially the humble ones) and then they get a “YES, welcome to Hollywood!” They run out extremely overwhelmed with excitement to the open arms of their cheering, loving, joyful family and friends!  Everyone is SO happy you can feel the love. 

They may be excited but boy, I’m an emotional wreck at that point!

The only thing I can compare it to is the feeling you get when your ultimate dream comes true; the joy you feel when someone finally says YOU’RE IN! YOU WIN! YES!  When the flood gates open in pure elation after you work so hard for something and a stranger tells you  that you are worthy.  I imagine I would compare it to winning an Olympic gold medal or a championship ring or an Academy Award or when the love of your life says ‘Yes, I’ll marry you.’  Although I really wouldn’t know how any of those examples feel because none of them have ever actually happen to me.  But if they did I would probably cry.  Oh heck, just thinking of those senarios makes my heart ache.  Is it too late to get a spot on the 2010 Vancouver Olympics U.S. Ski Team?  

Or maybe Ryan Seacrest will propose to me?

So I wonder…is going to Hollywood on American Idol an accompishment worth the excitement, or am I just a wuss and need to stop watching TV?  Maybe I need to find other things to waste my emotions on…perhaps a job, maybe a boyfriend, a book, just another interest aside from TV reality shows??  Oh wait, I got it…I’ll really punish my lacrimal glands and make them work over time by playing the Sarah McLachlan Animal Cruelty video on You Tube over and over again.  Talk about a tear jerker! 

Make it STOP!!! Make it all STOP! and pass me a kleenex please. 

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gspElv1yvc 

(Link alert, this video is pure emotional torture. Watch at your own risk.)

Who is a Plain Jane?  When you think of Plain Jane you think of a regular woman, in a little black dress, living an everyday life; she manages her career, takes care of the family, makes household decisions, confides in her girlfriends, and wants more out of life.  We’re all Plain Janes in a sense.   

2009 was a rough year for me, this lonely old Plain Jane… with the economy in full recession mode, the unemployment line long and my job search relentless, there was no room for frivolous shopping, extravagant trips, take-out sushi, let alone a new little back dress for that first date. I am also kind of tired of getting bullied by “50 year old men in suits” who hold the keys to my next job, think they know who I am in a five minute meeting, listen with only a half ear and decide what’s best for me and then ask why I am not married?  2009 was a rough year. 

When I thought my job search started to sound like I was begging and desperate, and I wanted to drown in a dark pool of despair, I put on my Nike Shox and went to the gym. In my quest for the next job I found solace at the fitness center… and then I found boxing.   So what does 2010 mean for a Plain Jane like me? In my sincerest opinion, its time to turn things around, time for a total change, time to revamp, revitalize and renew… it’s a better, new improved me attitude with a little edge. I think its time for all of us to bust out of the old Plain Jane mold and become knock outs!   Because of my new found love affair with boxing, taking it from Plain Jane to a Knock Out is easy. It all starts with a state of mind and in the ring.  They say you start a journey with one step…we’ll start this journey with Round 1.

I don’t want to disregard any other workouts like Pilates, yoga, the elliptical, body sculpt or basic training, because I do them all, but the next step into the world of boxing will take you thru a workout transformation… Lace up your shoes, slide thru the ropes and take that first swing.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not asking you to take any harsh blows to your pretty face; the boxing instructor doesn’t hit you, he simply stands there with mitts on and you punch him!  Yep, you punch him; unleashing your frustrations of your Plain Jane life; being among the ranks of unemployment, dealing with the household headaches, agonizing life over another glass of wine, the daily dose of lazy co-workers, your catty best girl friends, and a mother-in-law that wont stop nagging about your waist line… believe me boxing will help ease the pain.     

With boxing you get, aside from looking like a tough-girl with bruised knuckles, precision, strength, muscle, you build endurance, gain confidence, feel empowered and you even take away a great self defense tool.  As for the knuckles, just use extra padding under your wraps!  Let’s not forget about the endorphins…with sparring jabs, power punches, left hooks and upper cuts you’ll crank those little feel good vibes up to an all time high!  The endorphins that course thru your body after a great boxing workout are addicting. You get a rush, you get the giggles and you’re in the best mood ever…what worries? What stress? Who cares what “they” say! Hey listen, you could be addicted to worse! 

With your new boxing workout routine, you can knock out the recession depression, knock out the career blues, knock out the financial stress, knock out the hurt-filled ex-boyfriend, knock out the forgetful husband, knock out fears of being alone inside and you become a sleek, lean, mean no-more-Plain-Jane machine! Not to mention you could probably cold-cock an attacker with enough training!  

So step aside Ms Nicey-Nice and go from Plain Jane to Knock Out with confidence that we are all champs in 2010!

Like the old saying goes, “once in a blue moon” means something that rarely happens, an infrequent occurrence, it’s absurd but not impossible. In astrological terms a blue moon is the 2nd full moon in a calendar month.  So the last full moon happen on December 2, 2009 and the second one in the month happen on December 31, 2009.  This rare event occurs every 2 1/2 years so the next one will be in August 2012.  A New Years Eve blue moon is really exceptional…that is not going to happen again until 2028!  Wow, how old will I be?  Well, wait, a lady never tells her age but I will tell you AARP will be sending me magazines by then.

Have I made myself clear on how special a blue moons is? And when someone says, “I did it once in a blue moon” it means they rarely do it and it’s almost absurd that they did? 

So here’s how it all relates to me:

This last blue moon was New Years Eve and I… DIDN’T GO OUT!  Yes, you heard me right, I stayed in, alone, on New Years Eve!  How absurd! 

Now here’s me making excuses for it: 

It’s not like I didn’t have offers to go out, or couldn’t make plans or scrounge up something to do… I just DIDN’T DO ANYTHING! I stayed in on New Year’s Eve but my saving grace is that it was a blue moon!  

You can bet I’ll be out, celebrating every New Year’s Eve at least until 2028.  But when someone asks me if I ever stayed home on New Years Eve, my answer will be with definition in my voice… ”once in a blue moon!”

Happy New Year! Here’s to much success, health, happiness and love in 2010 and the decade to come! Cheers!  

The Tiger Woods saga continues…what is he up to now, 14 mistresses?? I’d say Tiger is no longer in the petting zoo and sometime in his case it could be considered the heavy petting zoo!  Welcome to the dog house, Tiger.  That’s where you’re at now in the minds of most American women and probably most of Sweden too since that is where your wife is from. 

As for the men of America, I think they’re breathing a sigh of relief to know that Tiger is not as perfect as they once thought.  It’s true, Tiger was once perceived to be the perfect male specimen with his career, endorsements, family life…so we thought. 

The sound of sweat wiping from the brow and the gasping of “Whew!” across the country from American men is loudly heard on the streets, in blogs and male locker rooms.  With the recent unearthed drama, Tiger has proven that he’s not perfect which I sense is giving men the go ahead that cheating is okay.  What do I mean by that, well, my feeling is the men of America now think it’s okay to be unfaithful because if the ‘perfect man’, the epitome of goodness, does it then they can too; it must be all right.  I am hearing from my male collegues that guys didn’t think Tiger was human before all this went down and now that they know he cheats they feel it gives them permission to do it as well.  “Tiger did it and he’s perfect,” they say.  Did I know they felt this way? No. 

Tiger has been totally forgiven in the world of sponsorships and golf, and in the world of red blooded American men.  All this publicly magnified cheating that has gone on over the past 3 months with others like Tiger, including David Letterman and Josh Duhamel, makes it seem fine to step-out on your wife.  Is it really any of our business what happens in the private lives of these celebrities? Does the media have to make the count of Tiger’s mistresses the top story? Can’t we leave infidelity out of the mainstream media so it doesn’t give anyone the idea that cheating is okay? 

Listen nobody is perfect, we all have skeletons in the closet, including me.  But let’s make this a lesson of becoming a better man not creating the belief that cheating is acceptable… because it’s not.

Chicago gives new meaning to “New Moon”.  You may be thinking of the newly released blockbuster movie from the Twlight Saga with hotter than hot vampires and rugged werewolves that grossed $140,700,000 over the weekend, but I’m talking about Sunday night when Chicago found a “New Moon”.

During the Sunday night Bears v Eagles football game on NBC…the Bears were working hard “to move it for a touch down, TD!” (Sorry, sometimes my old cheerleading days come back to me…) The one time, ridiculous Devin Hester, was running with the football and got tackled from “behind”.  As Devin went down so did his pants! 

The non-wavering NBC announcers continued to talk about the X’s and O’s without even a mention of Devin’s rear-end debute. But people like me, at home resting on the comfy couch, were LMAO (that means ‘laughing my ASS off’ if you are not into texting).  I feel bad for Devin Hester because it is embarrASSing but I am sure he doesn’t care in the least bit that most of America saw his bodacious booty! Afterall, those gluteous maximus muscles are the ones the give him Superman speed on the playing field.

But if you count the numbers… “New Moon” the movie from Stephanie Meyers’ Twilight Saga saw about 1.5 million viewers over the weekend and Devin Hester’s butt was seen by an average of 14 million viewers over the weekend… and we didn’t even have to pay 10 bucks and sit in a dark theater to see it!  So which is the real blockbuster? 

Devin’s mishap had me giggling all day but I am going to have to side with “Edward’s” abs in the movie…why? Because the Eagles STILL beat the PANTS off the BEARS and, Edward, Bella and Jacob still have 2 more books to be made into movies (and I like tall, super skinny white dudes)!

This morning Oprah Winfrey made a major announcement telling her legions of loyal “Oprahanians” that her show would come to an end in 18 months.  After 25 years she felt it was the right time to end as tears fell from her eyes. “I love it enough to know when its time to say goodbye. I feel it in my bones, 25 years is the exact right time,” she said.  So its the beginning of a year and a half goodbye… I am sure there will be many more Oprah suprises during that time but the clock is ticking nonetheless.

I have never ever been a huge Oprah fan but I do catch the monumental shows like, what shape is your poo? with Dr. Oz or Tom Cruise couch jumping, and you can forget the season grand opening event on Michigan Ave… heck, I even lived across the street from Harpo studios at one point in my life and watched the celebs climb out of their limos when she had her 50th birthday extravaganza. John Travolta included!

She ends her reign as the Queen of Talk and that’s fine because she really doesn’t need to work any more… it truly is time to give someone else a chance…. like maybe me? If anyone is looking for a new Queen of Talk I can do it… I can do it in a Sweet Baby Jane Dirty Traffic style or I can do it in an America’s Plain Jane crafty style or I can even do it Greek style…see, it will go from Oprah to Opa! Perfect.  But, however it works, I am ready to take over for the next 25 years!

Call me direct Oprah, lines are open now! 

“Queens of Talk”

I am more of an NFL fan than a college football fan… I mean afterall, I am from “Bear Country” IL and didn’t even have a football team at Bradley University.  So naturally, I am not a crazy college football follower, however, I was watching a game this weekend and it made me wonder…

If the winning team is running the football yards and yards ahead, all the way to the end zone and is going to score, and the losing defensive player is running after him, why run all the way to the end zone when there is no chance to ever catch the guy? See, the player in the lead going for the end zone is going to score a TD and eventually, when you catch up and finally make it to the end zone, the 6 points are already on the board and you are just tired, out of breath, totally disappointed and humiliated!  

If you know that your opponent is going to score a TD and you have no chance of ever catching up to him just let him go…. stop running, save yourself some wind and just go with the dissapointment.  Take one bad feeling and leave the others at the line of scrimmage.

I mean, I’m just saying….

Sure enough, Oprah can do anything! It’s true. As you can see I have’t written a blog in quite some time. I just didnt have anything to say but leave it to Oprah and she’s got my literary lamebrain writing again.

Oprah shot her season premiere by shutting down the main drag of Michigan Avenue.  I was there to check it out along with thousands of other Oprah followers, the “what the hell is this all about” seekers and, of course, ”hizzoner” with wife Maggie Daley. 

What I found interesting about this BIG Harpo production is that it’s just like any other television taping. I been to a few and this stunt wasn’t any different at all, except that she shut down the Magnificent Mile, but aside from that, there was a lot starting and stopping, resetting the stage, and technical glitches.  Even Oprah got concerned when the Black Eyed Peas performance was stopped twice because their lipsynching wasn’t mathing up with the audio track.

Illusionist Chris Angel was a guest on the program to tell Oprah what was hanging in the box that hung in store front window all week.  I thought Oprah found Osama Bin Laden and had him melted into a shrinky dink and hidden in the mistery box.  It turns out it was only a list of names of people in the front row at the show.  Whoopie! I’d consider that a flop, I think Oprah did too! It’s okay though. Not all David Letterman’s jokes are funny, skits on SNL are not all headliners and even my stage appearance at the GABBY Awards was left off the final DVD cut because it “didn’t translate well”. Whatever!

So when you break it down, Oprah can shut down Michigan Ave and the Mayor will let her so he can prove Chicago can host a BIG event like the 2016 Olympics maybe???? But moreover than that, her show is just a show with real people making it happen, working their regular jobs, with common mistakes that happen at a TV show taping…it’s just that Oprah was in charge!  

The first ever GABBY Awards (Greek America’s Best and Brightest) took place in Chicago on June 19, 2009 and I was fortunate enough to be the offical Red Carpet interviewer… and all I can say is I can’t believe it’s over already! It’s been two weeks and I am still flying high from the enthusiasm of the attendees, the achievements of the winners and love that filled the theater.  

What a truly amazing event; a wonderful tribute to our Greek heritage! And, even in the smallest way, I got to be a part of it all!

I felt the presence of my Dad, my aunts, my Brother, and my Grandparents fill the room… I love my Greek heritage because of those people.  I was there doing my job as a tribute to those who came before me…and I know they were proud.

 The Awards show itself was held at the DePaul Merle Reskin Theater and had Academy Award winning production elements…  except for perhaps my improvisation skit I did on stage pretending not to see the audience when I came running out with my red carpet and acted like they were in rehersals…here I am discovering the theater is filled with people!

 The after party waaaaaaaas probably the biggest family party I’ll ever attend with 1,100 people dancing in circles! But the Red Carpet catwalk was mine… with a flurry of celebs rushing by I tried to grab a few seconds with each… Olympia Dukakis remembered her parents as she talked about winning the Lifetime Achievement Award,

 Author Harry Mark Petrakis said he was working novel 22 because it was either write another novel or plan a funeral. (We’re glad you chose to write!), Melina Kanakaredes was a honorary co-chair of the event and said it was about time the Greek community celebrated it’s accomplishments… and Nia Vardalous and Alexi “Gorgeous” Georgoulis without pause when asked, picked up the guitar and sang for us!

The night exploded in the ballroom with performances by Glykeria.  Kosta Karafotis also took the stage but he didnt share a red carpet interview with me because well, honestly, I’m stupid! (but that’s a story I’ll tell you when we get together for a frappe.)

The food was amazing and inspired by celeb chef Michael Psilakis… I was working so I only got to sniff lamb chops… And even Chicago’s finest were in the house working security…I couldnt help myself but to take a snap shot!  They were actually frisking me here…I abliged because you never know when you need a friend in the Police Department?

I got to wear a dress made for a Red Carpet Greek Goddess… and lucky enough the creator of the GABBYS statuette, Konstantino, allowed us to wear his jewerly…uhhhh I got to wear over $25K worth although it had to be returned by midnight or I would turn into a pumpkin.

The event was amazing but what was also amazing is that I made a lot of new friends, people I know will be in my life forever.  It was a night we wont soon forget… it was a night of celebration and tribulation! The date for the next Gabby Awards show is set, June 11, 2010… whether I am working the red carpet, cleaning the floors or sitting in the audience as a guest…I’ll be there to celebrate again.

Thanks Greg for making your dream come true and making this incredible memory happen for us!

Did I mention my new boyfriend straight from Greece, and co-star of “My Life in Ruins” Alexi Georgoulis yet? Okay, a girl can dream…

 ”Sexy Alexi Georgoulis” and me in, yes, my 3rd dress of the night!

Lately I have been into the teenage vampire book series, Twlight… and no I am not a teenager but I was told I got ‘old’ so it was sort of a challenge to get familiar with the books.  There is no way I am going to lose my cool and, not only that, I can now communicate with 14 year olds. I, like most readers, am in love with the heartthrob vampire and can pin point the Edward in my life and the Jacob in my life.  (If you only knew who you were!)

Over the long Memorial Day weeked I finally watched the movie because, really, how could I stay away. It was sort of too teenie-boop for me because they changed the characters I created in my head to depict who typical teens are today. Whatev! Glad I saw it, back to the books I go! 

In the series, there is a girl who is human, a pack of werewolves who heal immediately and a coven of Vampires who can’t get hurt. They are all immortal and all have super speed.  You get bitten by the books, sucked in…(pun intended) sometimes you feel like you could be a vampire since sleep during the read is rare because it’s next to immpossible to put the books down they are so good.  I, on the other hand, decided I needed to put the final book in the series down and go for a little exercise… I was feeling fast and immortal, and it was rainy outside like it is in the books.

So, with my new found mental super speed, I went for a workout in the park; 8 laps around the track, 10 sets of stadium stairs, 15 minutes of jumping rope, walking lunges down the field and back and suicide runs… all in the rain!  It was tough but I felt invincible.  About an hour into my workout it was there that I realized the Twlight series are just books and the characters are not real and that I am not immortal, a werewolf or a vampire because after I slipped on the wet cement, lost my balance and fell down the stadium stairs… I got scraped up, it didn’t heal immediately, and the smell of blood didn’t make me thirsty.  I am human afterall…so it’s back to my fake vampire boyfriend, a cup of soup and a bag of ice.

 Ouch!